PEOPLE I HATE - Pt. 2

George Carlin knew

I had a friend call me the other day. I know...right? He didn't text me, email me or FB instant message me! It's like a miracle when someone actually tries to communicate by SPEAKING to me! It almost never happens any more. So I did what anyone would do under the circumstances. I stared at my cell phone until it stopped ringing then texted him back. "What do you want?"

It turned out one of my good friends had been reading this blog. He wanted to know when I'd be doing People I Hate pt. 2. I called him and we spoke for a few minutes. "I don't hate anyone really and I am trying to have a positive attitude." I said. He couldn't relate. "Everyone knows you have a crappy attitude. Just write it down. Trust me you'll feel better."

Maybe he has a point. This time of year always pisses me off. New England fall always lasts around ten minutes then it's cold and we are getting beaten over the head with the holidays. Halloween isn't done for two seconds and I have to start buying people presents? I just had my long johns on for the first time yesterday. 11/9/2014. That's early. That's not cool. So yes I am pretty sick of everyone. The weather only makes it worse. People seems to get worse this time of year too. The entitled, rude, ignorant sheer stupidness seems to come out full force.

I'm not as cynical as I come off. I want to like everybody and actually I do like many people. I used to think everyone deep down is good and can be reasoned with. All you really need are good communicative skills, a sense of humor and a bright disarming smile. That is all you really need to make friends and allies wherever you go.

Then you can ride your unicorn off into the sunset and pick daisies in the land of Oz while naked bodybuilders make love to you next to an ocean of melted chocolate.....

Yup. That is what I USED to think. I don't really believe that any more. Some people are completely unreasonable. Some are entitled fools who believe the world is actually revolving around them and some people are just batshit crazy.

You can not reason with those types. You will never be able to trust them. Obviously you can't depend on them or consider them friends but actually they might be enemies.

Today's edition of People I Hate is going to be focused on crazy people. Let me explain. I am not writing about the mentally ill padded cell types although some of these people in today's post could easily benefit from years of therapy. More or less I want to touch upon the kind of person who can not be reasoned with. Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you're one of them...Hopefully not.

I. The Narcissist

There's selfish and then there's SELFISH. Everyone knows a Narcissist. You may not realize it so let me lay it all out for you.

1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process.

Now that sounds pretty cut and dry but it isn't as easy to spot one as you might think. So ask your self these questions:

• Do you know someone who has no problem whatsoever blowing you off?
• Does that person constantly break their word and then somehow make is seem as if it's your fault that they screwed you over?
• Is everything always about them? Is their Ego so big that any time they get insulted they hold a grudge for like FOREVER?
• Are they in and out of romantic relationships because the other person is always somehow crazy or too demanding?
• Do they more or less suck but still make you laugh and can be charming when they want to be or more likely want something from you?

If you answered yes to these questions there is really only one thing to do.   RUN!!!

I heard Judge Judy say once that you can't fix stupid. It's the same with a Narcissist. You're never going to fix that person. They will always be that way. It's better to cut and run. Get far away and move on and if you are stuck working for a person like this well......good luck. 

II. The OCD Person

I used to have a friend who would love to go out to dinner. He was always raving about the newest place or some dish he heard about. He would get a group of us together and we would all go out. The thing that would drive me crazy was that he could never just order off the menu. 

Do you know anyone like that? I've known this person for over twenty years and have to this day never seen him just pick an item on the menu and order it. He always has to ask for changes. Can the chef make him a special side dish? Can they cook it differently just for him? Is it possible to put it on an extra large plate? (seriously) It's embarrassing and incredibly annoying. I came to realize that he just couldn't help it. I just couldn't help getting pissed off. I always say the same thing to him. "No matter what they do for you man it's always going to come back tasting like spit." But at least he'll have his saliva HIS way right?

I know this other guy who hates to be driven around. He needs to be the driver wherever he goes. Great. I love to be driven around but here's the thing. He has this ritual that he needs to do before we can leave. 

He checks the rear view mirror.

He fixes his seat belt

He turns on the heat or AC.

He checks the side mirrors.

He fixes the rear view mirror

He unbuckles his seat belt and puts it back on again.

He checks the side mirrors

He lowers the heat or AC

He checks all the mirrors.     (am I annoying you yet?)

Yes it can go on for ten minutes or more. He's normal as far as I can tell in every single other circumstance. But if I attempt to get him not to do this long insane ritual then we can't leave. It would be funny if it wasn't me that has to wait for this. One time I forced him to just start the car and go. We had to pull over ten minutes later because he said the mirror was messed up. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I would ask. He didn't really have an answer. I wondered what he would do if he came across a car with no mirrors, just a steering wheel and that was it. His head would explode.

You guys must have people in your life that do completely irrational things that drive you nuts. It isn't clinical enough to get them help. It's just bad enough to be annoying. We all know people who hoard. But are they hoarders? Maybe not. Maybe they are just doing it on purpose just to piss you off! Naah. You should just learn to be more patient like me.
(yeah right)

  

III. Mr. or Mrs. Instant Best Friend:


There is this acquaintance of mine who always has to hug me when she sees me. She LOVES me. She speaks to me as if we have been best friends for life. She asks about my family, my wife, my health. This is not a big deal if not for the act that we are complete strangers more or less. We hung out twice at a big event. That was it. Now she and I are best friends apparently. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than when a person who is sort of a friend says "Bye! I LOVE you!" Come on. You don't love me. It took me years to say that to the woman I married. Now I'm supposed to say it back to a girl I know from a Blogger party? " I passionately love you too! I'm totally comfortable with this! BYE!!!"  ugh ugh ugh.

Some people are like that. I am pretty friendly and I like to make new friends but there's a little imaginary line that once crossed makes you a fruitcake. Some people touch a little too much. I have this imaginary box around me. YOU don't get to enter that box unless I invite you in. Okay? Some people just barge right into that imaginary box.  They move in with luggage. Then they are too close. They are breathing on you. They are touching you. Once they leave you can still smell them and they better smell good because now you smell like them. Thy have left pieces of themselves in your PRIVATE BOX! WTF!  They are all over you. God, I hate that!

Not cool. Not Cool at all.

I know a guy like this who is always asking for favors. "Can you do me a quick favor?" 

"Cappy, can I get your friends number that (Insert job here) so he can hook me up with some free service?"

"Would you mind helping me move?"  

 HAHAHAHAHA! That's always a good one. If some "acquaintance" ever asks you to help them move that's where you spell it out for them like I did for this guy.

He needed an intervention so I gave him one.

"Look bud." I said calmly. "You and I aren't brothers are we?"  

"No" He said, "Why do you ask?"

"Because my brother wouldn't ask me to help him move because he knows I'd say no."

I then went on to explain that manual labor is expensive and that if someone was going to do an expensive, time consuming task for someone else for FREE then it could be considered a "FAVOR" and that favors of this magnitude should be reserved for people who you have known for a LONG time or who you are extremely close or intimate with.

"Are we close and intimate?" I asked him. 

"NO"  he said.

"So do you think I am going to take an entire day off from work and from being with my family to help you do some back breaking work for free?" I said.

"NO" he said.

and he was 100% right. We don't really talk much any more.

Cynical Face

SO. these are a few more types who just crawl up my keister and give me Agita.

The list really is endless.  Next time when we do People I Hate pt. 3 we can do a whole post on the passive aggressive people who deserve special recognition for things like Yelp reviews and asking questions with no answers. Venting like this really does help keep me positive though.

Positive I am not leaving the house today.

What do Boston, Sandwiches and Time Travel all have in Common? The Truth Revealed!

Of Colonials and Sandwiches

Anyone who lives and works in Boston knows we have a unique group of people that are very visible in Downtown Boston. They are the Colonials and they are everywhere. Whether giving tours on the Freedom Trail or Standing outside the visitor center on the Common, they are going about their day to day activities and for the most part blending in. But have you ever taken a closer look at these people? I have and what I found out is pretty incredible.

A stake out - a period of secret surveillance of a building or an area by police in order to observe someone's activities.

I have been on a perpetual stake out, off and on for quite a while. It can be tedious work. It can be hungry work. So here’s how this is going to go down:

1. I am going to explain in detail what I found out about the Colonials.

2. I am going to share with you the best sandwiches I have ever had because in Boston, when you are in a stake out sandwiches are the best thing to eat and I have become somewhat of a connoisseur.

Downtown Crossing in the center of Boston has had a nickname for quite some time. It is known as the Hub of the Universe. Originally Oliver Wendell Holmes coined the phrase and called Boston the Hub of the Solar System. He was referring to the State House back in 1858 and he arrogantly thought that Boston was the center of everything commercial and intellectual at that time. Eventually the Solar System became the Universe and the moniker stuck.

I’m not going to bore you with all the details because my new book entitled “All the Boring Details.” will be hitting Amazon soon but I do want to give you a bit of background so you understand that something incredible and amazing has happened here in Downtown Crossing and you are lucky enough to be here reading this before anyone else!

Notice - No Hat

Oliver Wendell Holmes was a poet among other things and he counted as friends many other famous literary figures such as Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. These men would get together over at the Old Corner Bookstore on School Street (in DTX) and discuss the news of the day and have a few drinks.  The story goes that one night Mr. Holmes and someone who may have been Charles Dickens had a few too many drinks and were walking down Washington Street towards what is currently the old Filene’s building but at the time was a parking lot for horse drawn carriages. The men stopped at the corner of Washington and Summer Streets to say good night and take their rides home. According to a written account in Mr. Holmes memoirs he dropped his hat accidentally into a hole in the ground. When he went to retrieve it he realized that the “hole” was something else entirely. His hat was gone forever.

Now, I am going to draw a conclusion here that is going to sound crazy but if you look at all the evidence you will see that it is not. At the location where Oliver Wendell Holmes claims to have lost his hat forever down a hole in the ground is a metal plate that has been there for as long as anyone alive can remember. It is a metal seal with the words “The Hub of the Universe” engraved on it. Right now it is behind a wall because the building is under construction but I can ensure you it is still there because I have seen it. The thing I never noticed before recently is that the seal actually has hinges on it!

It is a doorway in the ground.

This is where my stakeout began.

I remember clearly my lunch that day because it was brought to me by a good friend. Mr. Craig Singer, who claimed it would be the best sandwich I ever ate. He also paid for it which is why I recognize him here by name.

LUNCH:

Now as you take in what I just told you let me share something else with you.

THE BEST FRIGGIN ITALIAN SUB IN THE CITY OF BOSTON

Monica’s Mercato & Salumeria

This is a relatively new place and is located in the North End. I know it isn’t in DTX but if it wasn’t literally the best Italian I ever ate I wouldn’t include it. Incidentally if you are working or shopping in Downtown the walk to the North End takes about fifteen minutes. If you’re really lazy you can hop the T at State Street and hop off at Aquarium. Then you’re a few minutes away. It’s worth it.

Just get a large Italian with everything. The bread is amazingly fresh, the cold cuts are like buttah, the cheese is freshly sliced and it comes with sweet peppers, cucumber, Balsamic and more. I kid you not. The BEST I ever had.

Address: 130 Salem St, Boston, MA 02113

Phone:(617) 742-4101

Order the Italian!

Make sure you tell them the sandwich not the guy

Now here’s what I have noticed. Colonials congregate around the Hub of the Universe. They are all over DTX. Sure they work the Freedom Trail and the waterfront. They are near the USS Constitution and the Boston Tea Party ship. They come through Downtown before and after work every day. Another thing I have noticed is that they all universally are incompetent with any form of new technology. Where do they live? Where do they go at night? How is it possible to have the exact clothing that was worn in the 1700’s? They don’t have zippers. They are not wearing replicas like in other cities.

THESE PEOPLE ARE ACTUAL COLONIAL SETTLERS FROM THE 1700’S.

I overheard one of them dressed as James Otis telling another one dressed as Betsy Ross, “We have to get back. I have to pick up my shoes from the cobbler.”   THE COBBLER?

 

No idea what I'm doing with my camera

I know it sounds crazy. But there is a doorway through time located in DTX. The Colonials come through daily and work here and return home at night. I have seen it happen. You just have to stand next to Macy’s and watch around 9pm. You’ll see. But first I highly suggest you get one of these:

FALAFEL KING

The Falafel King sandwich is a work of art. You know longer have to wait on a huge line any more because they have two locations a few blocks away from each other. Both are equally good. The Falafel sandwich is a roll up. Always ask for hummus and hot sauce. The hot sauce isn’t hot and the hummus doesn’t hum but it’s still delicious. You always get a free falafel dipped in hummus while you are waiting. If you don’t get one it means he doesn’t like you. If you get one but it is not dipped in hummus it means he likes you but just not that way.

260 Washington St
(at Water St) 
Boston, MA 02108

Inside the roll up is at least three giant balls of falafel, pickles, lettuce, tahini sauce, hummus…… whatever. It’s GOOD. and at around five bucks it’s a bahgain. I mean baaaaaaah - gain.

Trying to understand the concept of the "backpack"

The other day I was at Park Street and watched a tour of the Freedom Trail come through. The Colonial was explaining how the Common was used to graze cattle and that some witches were hanged there. He knew the witches names. He knew exactly where the tree was where they were hanged. BUT when someone asked if there was free WiFi in the park he looked at her as if she had three heads and completely ignored the question. He crossed the street towards the Park Street church and I heard him tell the people to be careful of the horseless carriages coming.  (they were taxi’s)

Closed his eyes at every attempt to show him my smart phone

LUNCH AGAIN

It’s amazing to me that there are still people that are so Xenophobic and Ignorant that they never try anything remotely different. I HATE these people. Hamburger this. Hot Dog that. How can anyone exist that still has no idea what a -

Banh Mi is.   

It is a Vietnamese sandwich, It’s on a French crusty baguette and there are various kinds of fillings but the classic is pretty much pork belly, ham pate spread, cilantro, carrots, daikon radish, and cucumber.

There are other variations and types and there are a few places I love to get mine. They are universally inexpensive. Actually they are the cheapest and best value around for lunch. Usually between $3.00 to $5.00.  (I know right?)

The Banh Mi house is located on Winter Street at the food court and makes a great one.

New Saigon is a short walk down Washington into Chinatown and is an institution.

Wants my Chacarero

Places where Colonials usually congregate:

1. The Old South Meeting House

2. The Old State House  also right next door is the Boston Massacre memorial.

3. Paul Revere’s House in the North End

4. All over the Boston Common

5. The USS Constitution in Charlestown and the Bunker Hill Monument

6. The Boston Tea Party Ship and Museum

Traded my waist
 pouch for his walking stick. He filled it with oats and strapped it to his horse

I dressed up as a Minuteman a while back and tried to blend in with them. They knew immediately that I wasn’t one of them. They wouldn’t answer any of my questions about the time door and actually asked me to leave the employees only area at Faneuil Hall.

You rarely even see them eat but if they were to want to eat someplace Capone’s is right near by on Summer Street and we’re talking about one of the best sandwiches in Boston.

CAPONES:

The have a ton of good , reasonably priced, freshly made food here but I like to get a chicken salad sandwich with lettuce, tomato, sweet peppers and oil and vinegar on BRAIDED SESAME ROLL.  I capitalized that because it’s important. The bread of a sandwich is almost as important as the fillings. These sesame braided rolls are kick ass and you must have your sandwich on one. If you just don’t like sesame seeds then…….too bad. Eat it anyway.

They also have a daily lunch deal where you get a drink and a bag of chips with it for like nothing. The cookies are good too.

I know I have to mention Sam LaGrassa here if I’m talking about the best sandwiches in Boston but I hate to do it. The line there is always so damn long. I can never get a table. There’s always some people from the Jewelers Building hogging a table for like EVER. Go sell some diamonds for crying out loud!  (coming soon - my guide to buying in the Diamond and Jewelry buildings in DTX)

Anyway Hot Pastrami, lettuce, tomato, Russian Dressing or Dark Mustard on a bulkie with fries.

OR Turkey, Lettuce, tomato mayo or Russian dressing on a bulkie roll.    (chowder good too)

It is one of the all time best sandwich places on earth. You may run into a Colonial cutting through from School Street on their way to the time portal.

(see here for entire dining guide and pics)

http://cappyinboston.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-most-comprehensive-dining-guide-of.html

CHACARERO

Many things have been said about this mysterious sandwich brought here from Chile by Juan Hurtado many moons ago. Most of the things said were Yum, MMMM, Nom Nom and the rest was unintelligible because people were trying to say these things with their mouths full.

It’s a sandwich made from homemade bread.

Then you decide whether to fill it with beef, chicken, both or a barbecue version.

Then they add Muenster cheese, string beans, avocado spread (not guac), tomato and hopefully you’ll get the hot sauce. It’s expensive at around $9.00 but if you get a large it’s big enough to split and even if you don’t it is worth the money. Yes it is that good. I love Chacarero’s.  I wanted to name my cat Chaca after the sandwich but wiki says it means catfish which is weird so forget that.  

The Golden Age of Chacarero

So there is a smattering of some pretty darn good sandwiches right there. Get out there and try them if you haven’t already. You can buy two of them and make a quadruple decker if you want. I always wanted to mix an Italian with a Banh Mi and see what  that tasted like.

But What’s the Bottom Line Here?

The Colonials aren't hurting anyone. I was hesitant to even expose them. They are contributing to the Boston economy and they are an interesting bunch. If you ever have a history report or a question about life here during the early days of  the Revolution they can answer it. Many knowledgeable people are among their number.

If you’d like to join me in my next stake out I would be happy to show you what’s going on. I think a steak sandwich would be a good idea on a stake out right? We'll call it the Steak Out. Get in touch. Let’s make it happen.

There are questions concerning the butterfly effect. What happens if they change the past somehow. Would we even notice?  I am actually working with someone who claims we can do what they do here…..there. Wouldn't you love to have a tour of the Freedom Trail when it was still a cow pasture in 1774? Maybe we can go BACK in time. Would you want to? I would. At least for a few hours to poke around and of course to eat. There were no GMO's back then and nothing but natural ingredients. The Hub of the Universe may very well be a two way door. All you need is the key. My guess is it’s somewhere in the State House. Maybe Governor Duval is wearing it around his neck right now!

RECAP:

There are Colonial people from the 1700's traveling through a time portal located in Downtown Crossing in and out of Boston every day.

There are some damn good sandwiches around the area you can stuff your face with.

Remember . Colonials are people too.

This may just be a guy on his way to a rave - 

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