Sunday, November 9, 2014

PEOPLE I HATE - Pt. 2



George Carlin knew


I had a friend call me the other day. I know...right? He didn't text me, email me or FB instant message me! It's like a miracle when someone actually tries to communicate by SPEAKING to me! It almost never happens any more. So I did what anyone would do under the circumstances. I stared at my cell phone until it stopped ringing then texted him back. "What do you want?"

It turned out one of my good friends had been reading this blog. He wanted to know when I'd be doing People I Hate pt. 2. I called him and we spoke for a few minutes. "I don't hate anyone really and I am trying to have a positive attitude." I said. He couldn't relate. "Everyone knows you have a crappy attitude. Just write it down. Trust me you'll feel better."

Maybe he has a point. This time of year always pisses me off. New England fall always lasts around ten minutes then it's cold and we are getting beaten over the head with the holidays. Halloween isn't done for two seconds and I have to start buying people presents? I just had my long johns on for the first time yesterday. 11/9/2014. That's early. That's not cool. So yes I am pretty sick of everyone. The weather only makes it worse. People seems to get worse this time of year too. The entitled, rude, ignorant sheer stupidness seems to come out full force.

I'm not as cynical as I come off. I want to like everybody and actually I do like many people. I used to think everyone deep down is good and can be reasoned with. All you really need are good communicative skills, a sense of humor and a bright disarming smile. That is all you really need to make friends and allies wherever you go.

Then you can ride your unicorn off into the sunset and pick daisies in the land of Oz while naked bodybuilders make love to you next to an ocean of melted chocolate.....



Yup. That is what I USED to think. I don't really believe that any more. Some people are completely unreasonable. Some are entitled fools who believe the world is actually revolving around them and some people are just batshit crazy.

You can not reason with those types. You will never be able to trust them. Obviously you can't depend on them or consider them friends but actually they might be enemies.

Today's edition of People I Hate is going to be focused on crazy people. Let me explain. I am not writing about the mentally ill padded cell types although some of these people in today's post could easily benefit from years of therapy. More or less I want to touch upon the kind of person who can not be reasoned with. Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you're one of them...Hopefully not.



I. The Narcissist

There's selfish and then there's SELFISH. Everyone knows a Narcissist. You may not realize it so let me lay it all out for you.

  1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process.

Now that sounds pretty cut and dry but it isn't as easy to spot one as you might think. So ask your self these questions:


  • Do you know someone who has no problem whatsoever blowing you off?
  • Does that person constantly break their word and then somehow make is seem as if it's your fault that they screwed you over?
  • Is everything always about them? Is their Ego so big that any time they get insulted they hold a grudge for like FOREVER?
  • Are they in and out of romantic relationships because the other person is always somehow crazy or too demanding?
  • Do they more or less suck but still make you laugh and can be charming when they want to be or more likely want something from you?

If you answered yes to these questions there is really only one thing to do.   RUN!!!

I heard Judge Judy say once that you can't fix stupid. It's the same with a Narcissist. You're never going to fix that person. They will always be that way. It's better to cut and run. Get far away and move on and if you are stuck working for a person like this well......good luck. 





II. The OCD Person

I used to have a friend who would love to go out to dinner. He was always raving about the newest place or some dish he heard about. He would get a group of us together and we would all go out. The thing that would drive me crazy was that he could never just order off the menu. 

Do you know anyone like that? I've known this person for over twenty years and have to this day never seen him just pick an item on the menu and order it. He always has to ask for changes. Can the chef make him a special side dish? Can they cook it differently just for him? Is it possible to put it on an extra large plate? (seriously) It's embarrassing and incredibly annoying. I came to realize that he just couldn't help it. I just couldn't help getting pissed off. I always say the same thing to him. "No matter what they do for you man it's always going to come back tasting like spit." But at least he'll have his saliva HIS way right?

I know this other guy who hates to be driven around. He needs to be the driver wherever he goes. Great. I love to be driven around but here's the thing. He has this ritual that he needs to do before we can leave. 

He checks the rear view mirror.

He fixes his seat belt

He turns on the heat or AC.

He checks the side mirrors.

He fixes the rear view mirror

He unbuckles his seat belt and puts it back on again.

He checks the side mirrors

He lowers the heat or AC

He checks all the mirrors.     (am I annoying you yet?)


Yes it can go on for ten minutes or more. He's normal as far as I can tell in every single other circumstance. But if I attempt to get him not to do this long insane ritual then we can't leave. It would be funny if it wasn't me that has to wait for this. One time I forced him to just start the car and go. We had to pull over ten minutes later because he said the mirror was messed up. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I would ask. He didn't really have an answer. I wondered what he would do if he came across a car with no mirrors, just a steering wheel and that was it. His head would explode.


You guys must have people in your life that do completely irrational things that drive you nuts. It isn't clinical enough to get them help. It's just bad enough to be annoying. We all know people who hoard. But are they hoarders? Maybe not. Maybe they are just doing it on purpose just to piss you off! Naah. You should just learn to be more patient like me.
(yeah right)

  


III. Mr. or Mrs. Instant Best Friend:


There is this acquaintance of mine who always has to hug me when she sees me. She LOVES me. She speaks to me as if we have been best friends for life. She asks about my family, my wife, my health. This is not a big deal if not for the act that we are complete strangers more or less. We hung out twice at a big event. That was it. Now she and I are best friends apparently. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than when a person who is sort of a friend says "Bye! I LOVE you!" Come on. You don't love me. It took me years to say that to the woman I married. Now I'm supposed to say it back to girl I know from a Blogger party? " I passionately love you too! I'm totally comfortable with this! BYE!!!"  ugh ugh ugh.

Some people are like that. I am pretty friendly and I like to make new friends but there's a little imaginary line that once crossed makes you a fruitcake. Some people touch a little too much. I have this imaginary box around me. YOU don't get to enter that box unless I invite you in. Okay? Some people just barge right into that imaginary box.  They move in with luggage. Then they are too close. They are breathing on you. They are touching you. Once they leave you can still smell them and they better smell good because now you smell like them. Thy have left pieces of themselves in your PRIVATE BOX! WTF!  They are all over you. God, I hate that!

Not cool. Not Cool at all.

I know a guy like this who is always asking for favors. "Can you do me a quick favor?" 

"Cappy, can I get your friends number that (Insert job here) so he can hook me up with some free service?"

"Would you mind helping me move?"  

 HAHAHAHAHA! That's always a good one. If some "acquaintance" ever asks you to move that's where you spell it out for them like I did for this guy.

He needed an intervention so I gave him one.

"Look bud." I said calmly. "You and I aren't brothers are we?"  

"No" He said, "Why do you ask?"

"Because my brother wouldn't ask me to help him move because he knows I'd say no."

I then went on to explain that manual labor is expensive and that if someone was going to do an expensive, time consuming task for someone else for FREE then it could be considered a "FAVOR" and that favors of this magnitude should be reserved for people who you have known for a LONG time or who you are extremely close or intimate with.

"Are we close and intimate?" I asked him. 

"NO"  he said.

"So do you think I am going to take an entire day off from work and from being with my family to help you do some back breaking work for free?" I said.

"NO" he said.

and he was 100% right. We don't really talk much any more.




Cynical Face



SO. these are a few more types who just crawl up my keister and give me Agida.

The list really is endless.  Next time when we do People I Hate pt. 3 we can do a whole post on the passive aggressive people who deserve special recognition for things like Yelp reviews and asking questions with no answers. Venting like this really does help keep me positive though.

Positive I am not leaving the house today.


NEXT BLOG:

Coming soon I am going to explain to the people of Boston exactly how to fix my home away from home:

DOWNTOWN CROSSING.

There have been many articles written lately about the Renaissance of downtown. People look to the new Millennium Tower and think it will be the savior of the neighborhood.

The fact is there is a long way to go. Downtown Crossing has the potential to be the number one destination in Boston but it isn't and unless some people with imagination, vision and the ability to convince the status quo types that their ideas don't work then DTX will never change.

 I know what the problems are because I have been there in the trenches every day for over twenty years and I am going to explain exactly how to fix it.

























Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Five Things You MUST Do This Fall Around Boston




You are wasting your life. You know at some point you are going to die. It gets closer every single day yet what are you doing? WASTING your time! You think these measly little 24 hour increments we get will last forever? Well they won't. One of my friends was killed when a tractor ran him over. I know what you're thinking. Tractors are slow right? Why didn't he just get out of the way? There is a good answer to that. He was DYING from Cancer and had NO legs! Another guy was attacked by a pit-bull in his own yard. One minute he was watering the daisies, the next thing he was food for a canine who was probably trained by Michael Vick! Those may or may not be true stories but..



You see why we really can't afford to waste one single minute. Our time could be next week or it could be tomorrow. Besides, the Fall or Autumn, (as some annoying people say), is the best season all year.

 Sure, you can't wear that thong to the beach any more and the Speedo has been put away until that Caribbean vacation you've been planning for ten years comes around this winter (yeah right), but that's ok. 

It's cool out but not cold. It's comfortable. We are back in jeans and a light jacket. We look better that way anyway. Personally I always feel a little silly in shorts. I like jeans. When I'm hot though I don't give a crap what I look like. I'll wear Jorts and a halter top if it will make me less hot. Man, I hate the heat. But forget about it. It's the FALL now so let's go:

New England in the Fall is the best place to be. We have the mountains to the north, the Berkshires to the west, the ocean to the east and alcohol ....right here near by. It's football season and bar crawl season. It's comfort food season when you can start making chili and eating things like Shepard's pie and crock pot beef stew again. All that summer weight loss looked good on you but now we need to bulk up. Winter is coming. So let's eat!



(right click on links and open in new window)

1. Mid Week Call in Sick Food Truck Fun Run

Here is what you do. Do this during the week when the myriad of food trucks are out throughout Boston. They congregate in Dewey Square by South Station among other places. So call in sick or take a day off. You deserve it.

Then plan your route. If you go to Dewey Square Tuesday or Thursday then you get the added plus of the Farmers Market too from May through November. Use this site to plan your Food Truck Route:


Now the next step is the mode of transportation. You could always take the MBTA but that's for wimps. Driving is just crazy talk so go find a Hubway bike. Biking it is the best way to get around Boston and you can burn off some calories as you sample from an array of food trucks selling all kinds of things like fish tacos, falafel, Banh Mi, barbecue, seafood, ice cream sandwiches and so much more. It is an eating odyssey! 

Here is where the Hubway Bikes are located. It is inexpensive and convenient:


With the bikes you can start at Dewey then hit the rest of the Greenway then Gov. Center, financial district, Copley, Huntington, Kendall...... It's all just a ride away.  




2. Boston Harbor Islands

The tourists are gone now and we can have all the areas back that are usually full of them. The Harbor Islands are a hidden treasure that an entire blog could cover but  the bottom line is that you have to go. It is a very inexpensive ferry ride over and then there are free water taxis to all the other islands. Here are Ranger recs of just a few things you can do there taken from their site:

Ranger Recommendations


One of the best things ever would be to camp out over night before it gets too cold. You can have a bonfire and feel like you are a million miles from home. You can also just spend the day exploring, having a picnic, taking boat rides, hiking or just finding a nice quiet spot to read. Here is a link with more info:






3. Go to a  New England Patriots Game

Going to a fall Pats game is a rite of passage if you live here and it is a great time! Getting tickets are easy on the Pats web site but Craigslist always has face value tix from people who bought them and then realize they can't go.

You can handle this a few different ways. 

a. Take the train. There is traffic on Route One. No. not traffic. TRAFFIC. So if you don't want to sit in it take the train. It is very easy, cheap, convenient and you won't have to pay hugely expensive parking fees. Also Patriot Place which is attached to the stadium has more than enough bars and restaurants to pre-game at.   Click here for more info;



b. If you are like me and the tailgating is a huge part of the experience then you have to leave early. It will be an all day affair but that's the way you like it. Bring a gang. Drive down together. You will need a good grill and some pre-made food. I like to marinate steaks for a few days, make some honey hot wings and have a few good salads like chicken or coleslaw. Bring lots of chips and of course a good craft beer like Trillium or Clown Shoes.

Remember the music!  A Jambox or a portable speaker system so you can get your groove on or rock out. Definitely do not forget some comfortable chairs and BOOM! Ya got a party. Bring extras to share and make friends. Don't forget to cover yourself in Pats gear and after the game THEN go check out Patriots Place and wait for the traffic to subside.







4. Fall Foliage


I see your eyes opening wide in disbelief. "Cappy! You're not a leaf peeper are you?" 

Foliage and Fogeys may sound alike but trust me leaf peeping isn't just for old farts on tour buses coming in to have the cheapest vacation imaginable. 

City living makes it easy to forget how awesome it is to get away sometimes. This is the best time of year to do it too. I'll give you three quick reasons why. Native Sweet Corn, Maple Syrup on Pancakes and Cider Donuts!

Not to mention that if you can time it right and go during peak colors, it is like visiting Oz. We are so fortunate to have New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine and the Berkshires so close by. I will give you a couple of my favorite places to go for fall foliage or just fall stuffing of the face:





Do you like live music, barbecue, hot apple cobbler, corn on the cobb, chicken pot pies, cider donuts, hay rides, apple picking, pumpkins and PIE?

No? You must be crazy.  But if you do. This is the place to go.

Closer by we have 


All the things above minus music but add in fishing, hiking, all kinds of fruit to pick and a petting zoo. Hey they have a Llama.    There are also AWESOME cider donuts too. It is  just minutes up route one from Boston.

Ever hear of a sugar shack?  It's where maple syrup is made. They make the syrup right there then they feed it to you on pancakes. Yup it's worth driving for. Here is a pretty good Chowhound thread giving you some great places to go:


But the best thing to do is to go near one of those sugar shacks like maybe in Franconia Notch and go on a serious hike up into the mountains to see some real color. Bring your camera and research the hikes because some are easy and some like the one I did a while back are hard. (crawled back to my car in the dark after hiking a long, amazing loop up into the mtns.)  3 hour drive north on route 93. Hike within your limits and have fun and don't forget that native sweet corn sold at every farm stand you will pass on the way.


But if hiking isn't your thing then you can go to the Berkshires and drive to the top of Mt. Greylock too. It's absolutely gorgeous.





5. Visit the Wineries and Breweries all over New England


A word about Octoberfests

I love a party as much as the next guy. Octoberfests and there are plenty around here are full of amatuers who want to see how much beer they can imbibe before acting stupid. It is also a great way to spend the day standing in line, overpaying for food and being around college kids. Not MY scene but if it's yours and you must go,  here are the best:





 Boston Magazine  recently did an excellent feature on breweries you have to visit this summer and I concur. There is no reason at all why this can't be the breweries you have to visit this fall article too. So check it out:


That's the better way to try some of our amazing micro brews around Boston. No lines and it will make for a really great leisurely fall excursion.
OR if WINE is more your thing we also have something called the Coastal Wine Trail that sounds like fun.

Or there's this:  New England Brewery Tours


BONUS

I know I said five but as an added bonus for no extra charge I'm giving you a mini list before I go away until next time. Here are some things that are very touristy but I love to do and I would be remiss in my duties as your half sane New England fall tour guide if I didn't mention these:

Topsfield Fair. October 3 - 13,  2014 -  Don't listen to naysayers just go. I will give you my list of tips and tricks just before it's here so keep checking back.

Salem.  The entire month of October is Salem month. They have lots of cheesy Halloweeny stuff to do but they also have some great restaurants, a great waterfront and great history (obviously)

Six Flags.  You've never been to Six Flags? It's better than Disney. Tons of amazing roller coasters, concerts, special nights (like Halloween fright fest) and more. Worth the money but discounts are everywhere.

Corn Maze.  Find one. Do one. That is all.

and a few more that you will have to Google to find where they are -  zip-lining, white water rafting, canoeing, sea kayaking, bi-plane rides, whale watching and more. Check Living Social and Groupon for deals.

SO get your butts out there and enjoy the greatest season of all!

 See you on the streets!



Love,
Cappy







Monday, June 2, 2014

A COFFEE ADDICTED DRINKERS GUIDE TO BEING COOL IN A HIPSTER WORLD

Cafe Latte 


I have to confess something. I love coffee. I drink it all the time. I need it to start my day. That isn't what I'm confessing here but I am always drinking coffee especially in the morning because I am not nor have I ever been a morning person. I am no coffee connoisseur (nor do I speak french) but the only way I can fake it even a little is with that two cup jump start in the morning.  One right when I get up and one right when I get to work. Otherwise those cheerful morning pixies who apparently get ten hours of sleep and go to bed right after the 6 pm evening news and jump up at dawn with those little annoying  bluebirds on their shoulders while they whistle a happy tune probably by Taylor Swift or Celine Dion are getting murdered the hard, messy way...slowly.  Man I hate morning people!  They are so happy while I have that hung over, body aching, head in cotton feeling when I didn't even drink the night before.  I HATE those people. I HATE HATE HATE them.  What the heck are they so cheerful about? It's too early to be up. It's too early to be working and thinking and planning our day. GOD DAMN them all.

Find and Go get Coffee here!


So anyway, my admission or confession or whatever,  is that I am really uncomfortable in these coffee places. Dunkins I have down but recently I have determined that Dunkins is crap.  I learned this accidentally. A friend showed up with a drink from Boston Common Coffee and was really enjoying it. Every time he took a sip he made a little noise much like the noise I make when my wife is touching.....me. He gave a little moan of pleasure after every sip. I asked what the hell he was drinking and asked him to either let me have a sip or get the heck away from me. He, apparently was enjoying some kind of vanilla caramel latte iced thing with whipped cream on top. This was life changing for me. I loved it!  Soon after that I did a little recon & research and learned that there are all kinds of "fair trade" and "magical specialty" coffee beans and "pour over" and "scientific cool brewed" coffee ......things.

Greek


So like any typical working stiff with a caffeine jones I needed to experience these new and interesting drinks. The problem is that places like The Thinking Cup and Bourbon Coffee (what?) really intimidate me. You can not order a large regular in there. You need to know the lingo. You should learn what a Latte is. I actually thought it was pronounced "late" a while back.  "I'll get a Medium , I mean a Venti. Late. Ravioli. Cup. Coffee. ....aww forget it."

Scary but good



Virtually every single coffee place has at least one guy wearing a winter hat in the middle of summer. AND two women with nose rings and purple hair. It's an actual prerequisite to work there. I'm not sure what a hipster is but there's no doubt that if they work at all they work at coffee places and they lay in wait for people like me to walk in and not know our Cafe au Lait's from our Americano's. You have to know the lingo or everyone gets a , "You're a dumbass!" look on their face. I started out simple.  I got a small hot coffee. ok a tall. ok a short. Yes that is really friggin annoying when you can't say small. But the coffee itself is fabulous.  I was at the Thinking Cup which serves Stumptown Coffee. I had this before when visiting family in Portlandia and it is good stuff. I was going to bring a pound home but I would have had to sell my car to do it so I just get it at the Thinking Cup. Oh and make sure when you order it you then move down to the area where you pick it up. Otherwise you get the , "HEY dumbass move down there to pick up your short tall latte you bitch!" They say it much nicer but I know that's what they are thinking.

"No Man. We only have TALLS no SMALLS Dumbass!"


Downtown Crossing where I live and work has a ton of coffee places now. Forget Starbucks and Dunkins. Go to Caffe Nero, Boston Brewin, Boston Common, Thinking Cup and there's more if you head towards the business district. They all have coffee making people making your good quality coffee.  "NO we're Barista's!" No children, you are coffee making drink makers. Stop being pretentious and I will like you so much more.

New with lots of comfy couches


Also with lots of comfy couches and it's 50% more Hipster-ish



 Hipster. definition - someone trying way too desperately to be hip. Please everyone. Stop trying so hard!

tangent:

Things I do not understand: ( fashionably speaking )

1. Nose, cheek, neck, eyebrow piercings. 

2. Tats that go above the neckline onto the face.

3. Winter hats in summer.

4. Facial hair, mutton chops and any steam-punk or 1800's look. What. The. F?

5. Purple, blue, pink or green hair.

6. Tights and no underwear.

7. Bikes as accessories. Why are you walking your bike?

8. Lizards, snakes, rats and Platypus as accessories.

9. Vests. I just don't get vests. sorry.

10. Guys with Rabbi beards. I really can't tell the difference any more between Hipsters, homeless people, Rabbi's or genuine hippies any more.

end tangent.


Orgasmisimo Grande


Now where was I. COFFEE. I love these quality coffee drinks. I love a Caramel latte with no whip cream and whole milk. I throw in a Sweet and Low then I moan all the way to the bottom of the cup. I always have appreciated quality in any form. Maybe it is worth overcoming my queasy intimidation of not knowing what's up in an uppity coffee shop.
 (Did I just say uppity?)

4 ft high filter pack


I make my own coffee at home first thing in the morning when I'm barely awake. My coffee never ever turns out like the coffee I buy in Downtown Boston. It's always a frustrating ordeal for me. I bought my coffee filters at Costco so there is a four foot high stack of coffee filters in my pantry. Peeling one coffee filter off the top of this pile is almost impossible. I lick my fingers and peel one off. I now have 7 in my hand I put six back and go to the coffee machine. I still have three in my hand somehow. I finally manage to get one filter off and put it in the Black and Decker coffee machine. The thing you put the filter into is plastic. If you don't put it in the machine the exact right way and you turn the machine on then coffee will brew all over the counter top. This happens to me quite frequently. I hate Black and Decker coffee machines but when I used to have a Mr. Coffee ,coffee machine I would fill up the carafe with water and try to pour the water into the machine the water would somehow always pour all over the counter top.

Curse you B&D


So I used a scoop to fill my filter with coffee. I am never sure how much to use so inevitably the coffee will be too watery or too strong. The way I combat this is to put tons of sugar and creamer into my coffee. I am apparently not a Barista.

I wish I had a million dollars. I would buy a fancy Italian coffee maker. It would be one of those huge metal works of art you see in the North End while eating Cannoli and sipping Cappucino's. I would hire a Barista to make me Latte's and Frappaccino's . (copyright Starbucks) every morning. That is my wish.

The Dream Machine


A short time later I was walking to Boston Brewin coffee on Bromfield Street for a caramel latte and was pondering my wish when I saw a homeless man sitting on the ground with a cardboard sign that said, "I am not lying! I need spare change to eat!" My first thought was, "Why would he want to eat spare change?" Then I wondered if his wish was just for some spare change. I felt guilty about wishing for a personal Barista so I changed my wish and wished he would get some spare change.  No one gave him any. Apparently wishing for money isn't the key here. As I continued on to the coffee place I was aware I had a pocket with lots of spare change in it. The irony of this did not escape me.


Boston Brewin

I asked for a large iced Caramel Latte with whole milk and two Sweet and Lows. I had already had a bucket full of sugar in my earlier coffee so I figured I'd cut back on the sugar this time. The coffee making person asked if I wanted some other better tasting coffee drink for a few cents more. I said sure. I never could have afforded it if I had given my change to the homeless guy. The irony of this didn't escape me this time either.

As I went on to work I pondered the irony of the morning and made a mental note to Google the word irony when I got home because I really wasn't too sure whether I was using that word correctly.

All of these thoughts went away and I started my day grateful for the cure to my caffeine addiction so close by in so many great places.

Aaaah. Coffee.

Thanks for the Venti Americano dude!


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

People I Hate - pt. 1




I am a very opinionated person. No really, I am. I know it is hard to believe. The thing is, I pride myself in being easy to get along with. I. Am. Easy.  I really am and it amazes me how many other people really are not.  I am amazingly amazed how many people just do not have a clue how their behavior affects others.

We are living in a time where the ME generation is becoming the WHO CARES generation and yes there is a difference.  The Me Generation was being selfish in a way that gave them "self-fulfillment and self-realization.  That can be an enlightening and positive thing. The Who Cares gen.are merely selfish people doing whatever they want, to whomever they want. They are reality TV and obliviousness all rolled up in a nice neat package.

I am often out in the world and forced to deal with all types like these, so I have begun a list. I know every blog and online news source thinks every bit of info we read has to be in list form but this is different.

I know you aren't stupid. The Huffington Post thinks we are all handicapped idiots that can't digest anything unless it is in bite sized little elementary school portions or we will spot a butterfly flying by and lose interest . I don't believe that. This just happens to be a list I was making in my head . I could eliminate the numbers and put this whole entry in paragraph form like a real article but I really want to keep count of how many annoying types there are.

SO sorry. I know you aren't dumb. I think ultimately this will be a long list. This just part one So here we go:


1. The Facebook Poser - If you looked at this person's Facebook page you would think that they live the kind of dream life reserved for celebrities. They are at all the hottest parties. They have tons of gorgeous friends. They are always in a hot pose with a group, or in front of something cool, maybe throwing up some weird hand gesture or something. BUT the reality is when you are actually out with this person or see them out in real life, they are lame. Earth shatteringly lame. They don't socialize at all. They spend the entire night out looking for that FB shot. They jump into other cool people's pics. They hold up the one drink they bought all night and act like they've been partying for days (for the pic), They hug strangers (for the pic) The entire night out is to portray themselves as a FB celebrity but in reality they suck. They are boring and they probably should have stayed home.

Man I hate Phonies!


2. The 40+ Year Old Divorced Guy - I would love to bang out a few pics here to show this person in action.  Some of these guys are my friends. Of course that wouldn't go over too well because like most people on this list they too are in denial. BUT it really is pathetic to watch. These guys are single and having failed miserably at marriage are now also failing miserably at hooking up with women. The main point I would like to make here is one of science. Many years of research have determined that 20 - 25 year old girls, and I AM calling them girls, are not interested in men who are over 40 in a sexual way. Of course there are exceptions but in most cases they look at men of a certain age (45) as OLD. The fact is , we are old. We have road miles on us that are right there visually jumping out. No matter how nice your suit is, no matter how great you think your rap is, you really are playing above your pay grade. I watch these guys attempt to woo these babies by throwing cash around and by acting like they are powerful players in the business world or whatever. It may work for a while because everyone loves positive attention but ultimately guys, they like young men and you need to take another look at that WOMAN at the bar you are ignoring. That's where real success lies.


Come On! That's HOT!




3. The 20 Something Girl  - On the other side of that fence is the 20+ year old female. When I go out with my friends, being married especially, I have no real use for this type at all. Here's a message to the 20- 25 year olds out there. Read a book. Watch the news. Get a hobby. For God's sake, when did it become in style to be superficial and dumb. No I am not going to audition for you. I don't give a crap if you approve of what I do for a living. You aren't getting in my car so it doesn't matter what I drive. You look bored. Why don't you go home if you're bored. If you aren't bored why don't you go look in a mirror and practice a nice face instead of a bitch face. It will help you make friends. I have lived. I have been around. If we have a conversation it won't be about how your drink sucks and how drunk your friend is. Then you get to see MY bored face. Lastly, what is with this fake squeaky voice so many of you put on? It's like an updated Cyndi Lauper voice on Helium. Cut it out! You sound ridiculous!

Why does every sentence end in a question?


4. The Sports Man -  I like sports. I'm a huge Sox/Pats/Celts/B's fan. When they get into the championship which over the last ten years has been pretty frequently I am psyched. PS. Eat your heart out NY. I will happily go out to a sports bar to watch with friends. Here in Titletown it is an experience to be out with a crowd watching or going to a game. BUT there is always a guy who takes it just a little too far.

No I do not know what Middlebrooks ERA is and I can not remember what Big Papi did in that game against the Yankees back in 2009. I do not know every player on the Celtics and certainly do not care about what Red Auerbach had for breakfast the day he said goodbye to Larry Bird. Stats are boring. No one wants to hear them and literally no girl anywhere is impressed that you know what college every one of  the New England Patriots went to and while we are at it when you refer to the team as we and us it is kind of funny. I know you. You never played sports. You weren't ever on a team. When we play a pickup game of softball you never play. You eat wings and burgers and pizza. That's what you do. You are the eating guy. The Red Sox are the sports guys so it should be them not us.

I am NOT on the Pats


5. The I am SO Busy Person - Nearly every person I know has to work for a living. No one I know is independently wealthy. Everyone has bills to pay. So what do we do? We work. This person acts like they are the only ones who have a job. They never return a call. They always cancel the plans. When you finally get them on the phone it's always, "I am so SWAMPED!" "My life is SO hard!" "I am so STRESSED out!":
Hey. Cry me a friggin river pal. WE ALL WORK. I make time for my friends. It is part of being an adult. You want to have friendships you have to cultivate them. I work like an animal so when someone tells me they are too busy all the time it pisses me off. I have one friend who is divorced and does not have custody of his daughter so in effect he really doesn't have to deal with many of the things parents deal with but this guy has the weight of the world on his shoulders according to him. Somehow those of us with kids still manage to go to the sports games, school functions, make the dinner, work 50+ hours a week or more, live our own busy lives and still find the time to return calls, texts and emails. We show up when all the gang is in town and do not constantly have poor excuses why you can't budget your time and grow up.
You are SO much busier than me.


Do you know people like these? There are easily 100 more categories. Hopefully you aren't one of these people. A little introspection goes a long way. Most personality flaws come down to one thing. Selfishness.
Lord knows I am not perfect. However I try my best to not be selfish. You have to if you want to stay married and surrounded by people who have your back.



In today's entitled world I think it is so important to shine a light on people like these who just do not get it.

What do you think? Can you relate to any of this? Put your comments down below and the best  #6 will win season tickets to the 2014 Red Sox season.

(The above statement is not true. I will be lucky if I get my hands on bleacher seats and even then I am not giving any away. I am going to go myself.)

 (I know that is selfish. As I said above I am not perfect)

Be on the lookout for  People I Hate - Part 2

Thanks for stopping by,

Cappy








Monday, March 17, 2014

The Ultimate Guide to the Largest Seafood Expo in North America!


Yes Please!

Some of my earliest memories are of my dad bringing home lobsters to eat and letting my brother and I play with them on the kitchen floor before putting them in the pot. We would name them and be very sad when dad took them away to cook. Of course my dad was a born and bred Bostonian which meant that he knew how to cook a lobster and how to make a kick ass lobster roll ,so the mourning period for our friends the lobsters would last right up until the first bite.


When you live in New England you really can't help but have an affinity for the ocean and everything edible that comes out of it. I am no different and with me it is even more so than most. I have been around the ocean in some way or another my whole life. I dive, so being underwater with the denizens of the deep is a special thing to me. Seeing these creatures in their natural habitat is something I think everyone should experience whether snorkeling or even just by spending a day at the Aquarium. 




The Seafood Expo North America comes to Boston once a year and is literally the largest trade event on the continent! Nearly 20,000 businesses in the seafood industry are all under one giant roof and the opportunities are endless to not only learn a little bit about where all the seafood comes from that we love to eat but also 
to EAT it. 

The fact is that 99% of the time when I sit down for dollar oysters at some local raw bar or I decide to shoot a dozen  Cherry Stones over at Row 34, I'm not thinking about where they came from. I'm a business man. I work for a living. I'm not a "Foodie" or a "Chowhound" (whatever that is) 



But what I have learned at this amazing event is that if our fish and shellfish are not sustainable then we can and will run out. The fish stocks have to be maintained throughout the world. Luckily this industry is doing a great deal to make sure we never run out. 

From Nat Geo:

Sustainable fishing guarantees there will be populations of ocean and freshwater wildlife for the future. Aquatic environments are home to countless species of fish and invertebrates, most of which are consumed as food. (Others are harvested for economic reasons, such as oysters that produce pearls used in jewelry.) Seafood is respected all over the world, in many diverse cultures, as an important source of protein and healthy fats. For thousands of years, people have fished to feed families and local communities. 

But the fact is that if you want to learn about things like sustainability, protecting our oceans and fisheries, seeing where the seafood comes from (all over the world) and see how it is brought out of the oceans to our plates then you HAVE to get yourself here next year. Me? I'm just a novice. I am a scuba diving, boat riding, swimming, water gun toting regular type guy and walking around aisle after aisle eating smoked salmon, crab cakes, shrimp, oysters, all manner of sushi and more is  why I come to the Seafood Expo.                                                                            
                                            

My own experience is somewhat unique at the Seafood Expo. I always go with a plan. You should be aware that people from all over the world are coming here to conduct business. Many people are restaurant and store owners looking to buy machinery and seafood for their businesses. However, many are also here to eat, sample and learn about the industry. I am here primarily to eat. (surprise!) I come to go to the food show next door for business.  With the price of a ticket you gain entry to the Seafood show as well which is awesome for me.



POINT - It is crowded. Give yourself time. There are all types of cultures here and all types of people are all there to sample the delicious seafood. There will be lines. There will be people who think they don't need to wait on lines. Be patient. There is enough for everyone. 
Giant Clams


 Here are 10 Tips on how to do
 the Seafood Expo North America:


1. Start all the way on the left side. Many people are going to the New England Food Show first then heading in to the Seafood Expo. Big mistake. Do you want to fill up on bread? You will be full way before you eat your first oyster.  But if you get there early and start as far away from the food show side as possible you will have a lot of food all to yourself. No lines.



2. Know what you like. I love sushi. I love Oysters. I love it all really but I know that if someone offers me a huge cup of faux crab salad I am not eating that. Your stomach has a finite amount of room in it. You will get full if you eat everything. There is simply too much to sample everything and it is definitely not all good stuff. 

TUNA!

3. Don't just run through stuffing your face. This is a huge opportunity to not only learn about where the fish come from but also to meet local purveyors. Sure there are people from Morocco and Korea mixed in with Chinese and Mexican fisheries and people from everywhere there is fish  but I find that the local guys have some great stories. They have some seriously fresh oysters, salmon and more. They are here in town or near by and can tell you where to eat their products locally.

Will show muscles for mussels.
4. I said don't run through stuffing your FACE! Did you see that ugly monster-like monkfish? Taste it! You never had eel before? It is so good! Try it! Things like wolf fish, whelks and seaweed salad aren't on every corner. Broaden your horizons! Try new things.


Wolf Fish
Do not fear the Monkfish!

5. There are also a lot of fried foods. There is fried calamari and I even had fried gator once here but go easy on the fried stuff. It will fill you up really fast and usually you won't really get to taste the fish. IMHO. 

6. Oysters. There are a lot of oysters here. They are all different. Taste them all. Duxbury and Wellfleet are different from PEI. Learn about them.  They all taste differently. They are good for you. If you are not from Boston, please take a moment and discover the cherry stone. (It's a clam)


Sammy the Salmon

7. Salmon. Big business is that fish. There are Chinook, Sockeye, Coho and more. There are farm raised and wild. They can be smoked a million different ways. I had a smoked maple candied salmon that was out of this world.  They are cooked a million different ways. You can learn recipes. You can learn why salmon should be on your menu at home and when you go out. Eat a lot of salmon here. Trust me.

8. Sushi and Sashimi. There are many Asian companies here at the Expo. Get in there and eat! They are not all created equal. Smell first. Watch out for things that are still frozen. I almost lost a tooth on a frozen shrimp. You can have a sushi extravaganza here at the Expo. Go for it! 

9. There are classes. The Master class series had Chef's teaching how to cook lobster dishes. Chef Dan Enos from Oceanaire did a class on salmon. Go hear a session. Watch the shucking competition. I actually had a brief lesson on shucking so I can do my own oysters.

Shell -less Lobster!

10. Spread the word. Do you know people in this industry? They should be here every year. Take pictures. Blog about it. Facebook the heck out of it. This Expo is a gem and sharing it with others is just as important as all the rest. Also it is three days so come at least twice. It is hard to do in all one day. Your stomach can only fit so much.I speak from experience. Oh and one more thing. The exhibitors are people too. Be gracious! They are feeding you after all. Please and thank you's go a long way and if something tastes great then let them know Compliments can lead to even more delicious seafood! 






Boston is one of the greatest cities in the world and luckily for you if you are going to the Expo at the Boston Convention and Exposition Center then you are centrally located to everything. You can walk, take a cab or the silver line to anywhere in Boston Proper. Right near by is Fort Point or as some call it, the Innovation District. This area is in mid-gentrification mode lucky for you. Here's a brief list of some of my favorites. It is where you can walk to if you are staying here for the Expo. 

Row 34 - They call themselves a workingman's oyster bar. Go for the seafood. Raw bar is outstanding. Beer menu is top notch and it is a short walk from the Convention Center.


Tavern Road -  I love this place. The DiBiccari brothers run this great place. Unique Inventive food menu AND bar menu. The bar actually rocks. Mixologists live here so drink. The food is also outstanding.


Trillium Brewery - Yes it is a brewery right near by but the beer is so good you have to go. You go into the small space and go left to the bar where they will let you sample whatever is currently being offered and they have a lot of different brews. I love the Pot and Kettle personally. It's a dark porter and it is really a craft beer. They sell by the bottle, 32 oz and gigantic Growler. You buy and leave to drink it elsewhere like your hotel room or home.   So good!


Going the other direction North towards the waterfront there is also a myriad of dining options. Here are a few I like.

Temezcal - Upscale Mexican

Jery Remy's - sports bar

Legal Seafoods and Legal Test Kitchen - seafood!

the No Name - on the fish pier - Old School seafood



Not a free sample!

There's actually about 20 more places within a few minutes walk of there but you can't go wrong with those and by all means Yelp the heck out of the area. Boston is FULL of great places to eat. A little research goes a long way.







Most Importantly:

Enjoy Boston, Have fun. Tell your friends and associates. See you next year!

Leave comments below.